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I’m going to start this off by giving a little history of our misfit family.

Sophie-Cat was a stray. I spent a lot of time over at my sister’s apartment when she first moved in there, and it was a disgustingly cold and windy winter. The temperature was below zero, we had had two blizzards already, and the wind chill made it even colder. Every time I would go over there, this cat would come up to me, begging for attention. She was cold, skinny, and just looked pathetic. I couldn’t take it anymore. Any time someone set out food for her it would freeze, but she kept hanging out at that apartment complex because it was probably better than nothing at all. I made the decision one night that I was taking her in. I gathered supplies, and put her in a kennel. She spent the next month and a half (before I had her claws removed) loving on me, sleeping with me, sleeping ON me, and cuddled under blankets. She gained weight, and started to look healthy. I found out she had to have only been about 6 months old. It made me sad that someone would just abandon a kitten or any kind of animal that way, but I felt lucky to have her so that I could take care of her.

Teemo (aka Captain Teemo… I guess it’s a League of Legends thing), was a shelter rescue. The hubby had to do some harsh training with him because when we first brought him home, he pottied in the house, he chewed up everything, and was overly sensitive about certain parts of his body. I hate to say it, but he was a biter. We came to the conclusion that he was badly abused. We couldn’t touch his paws, head, ears, or hind legs without him wincing or snapping.

Luna (aka Loony Bin/Luna Lovegood/Pup Pup) we got as an 8 week old puppy from the shelter here in Charleston. She’s a pug and English Bulldog mix. We got to start fresh on the training with her. We were warned that she was a trouble maker, but for the first month we had her, we didn’t really see it.

I went inside this morning to grab a cup of coffee. That’s it. It took me a whole 5 minutes tops. I came outside to see a box of cigarettes chewed to bits by the puppy. That makes box number five, and the fourth time I’ve asked myself “why haven’t we learned to put them up where she can’t reach them?” It’s not just that though, last week our corgi chewed a hole in the fitted sheet on the bed, and just yesterday, the cat pissed on the floor…right outside her litter box.

My father has said before “just get rid of them! They can’t learn anything at this point.” I can’t. I simply can’t. They’re like our children. After we got Luna, I compared Teemo and Sophie (aka Sophisticat/Sopapilla/Kitty Cat Meow Meow/Sophie Anne) to children we had before we got married. They hated each other at first. Well at least Sophie hated Teemo at first, in fact she terrified him. She went into attack mode the moment we introduced the two, but Teemo just wanted to play. It wasn’t until she went after him that he realized she wasn’t going to take his shit. BUT they learned to get along. They’ll cuddle sometimes, Sophie will initiate play SOMETIMES, but most of the time Teemo will chase after her and want to play. I’d like to think it’s because he’s getting back at her for terrorizing him at the beginning. ANYWAY, Sophie and Teemo are like the children we had before the hubby and I got married. Luna is child we had after we got married. Teemo will get all emo every once in a while because he’s not getting the attention he deserves, and Sophie just flat out hates her. Luna is oblivious.

I imagine if Sophie could talk she might say the following:
“Uh…this bitch won’t leave me alone”
“I know you just fed me, but I took a couple of bites and now my bowl looks empty. I’m going to harass you until you fix the problem.”
“I’m going to ignore your feeble attempts to get my attention for what you call ‘cuddle time’ so that I can interrupt you when it looks like you’re doing something important”
“Open the door because Luna just did something you’re not going to like and I don’t want to be here when you yell at her. Also, I have more important things to do, like sit on the other side of the door and meow like I want to come back out, but then never actually do when you open the door.” 
“I don’t care how many times you put me in bed with you, I’m going to get up eventually and crazily run around the house like I just did a bunch of cocaine at SOME point during the night”
“Get these assholes off of me before I start clawing them! Oh wait, that’s right, you had my claws removed. I forgot I hate you. Fuck it, I’ll just bite them back”
“I know you’re crocheting, but I want attention, so I’m going to lay directly on the skein of yarn you’re using and none of the other ones so that you can’t continue your work. I won’t move until you pay attention to me. Seriously…watch me.”
“Oh and just an FYI, I chewed on your cell phone charger. It’s a fun toy, but it probably doesn’t work anymore”

You know…all the asshole things cats do…

Now I keep trying to remind myself that Luna is just a puppy and that she’s acting the way she is because she doesn’t know any better, but here’s the thing, she has picked up one “sit”, “stay”, “high five”, “shake”, and “down”. We’re able to take her outside to potty without a leash. She sleeps in bed with us, but FOR SOME REASON, every time we go inside, she chews on boxes of cigarettes. We scold her, rub her nose in it, swat her on the butt, tell her no, and she spends the next 30 minutes pouting and giving me this sad, stupid look. We’ve had to wash the cover to one of our couch cushions so many times because she’s peed or pooped on it, that the zipper broke off. EVERY SINGLE TIME, we rub her nose in it, tell her no, swat her on the butt, and she spends the rest of the day in her crate, only coming out to potty and eat. Just like clock work, 2 weeks later, she’ll do it again. WHY? She’s a smart puppy. She picked up on all her commands so quickly! Why are these two things SO HARD for her to pick up. No! You many not use the couch as a toilet. No! You may not chew up cigarettes. She’s such a bitch sometimes…(stupid pun intended).

Now Teemo on the other hand is a whole other story. Teemo has come a long way, but there are still things about him that are just ridiculously annoying. He has chewed up 2 pairs of my shoes, he won’t eat unless you’re sitting RIGHT THERE to monitor him, and he gets a hold of anything and everything we leave out that looks edible. He tears up trash bags and eats the insides if we leave them out. Occasionally he’ll snap at us, or at the puppy, but he’ll get in trouble and then spend the rest of the night in “emo-mode”.

Even through all of this, the bad behaviors, and me wanting to kick each one of them across the room at LEAST once a day, I can’t get rid of them. They haven’t physically hurt us or anyone living in the neighborhood. They just do really stupid shit sometimes. I don’t know if they’re resistant to training or if we’re not doing it properly. Either way, its irritating, but as I’m sitting here, Luna stares up at me with a stupid giddy smile on her face, wagging her tail just begging for me to play with her. Teemo is chasing Sophie around the house and they’re having a good time. All three are oblivious to the fact that the hubby and I get annoyed with them on a regular basis. They just recognize the love, and I have to say, I do love our little group of misfits.