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I’ve been watching a lot of Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas. I feel like it’s poisoning me. I’ve been to enough weddings in the past to know that Bridezilla is real. It’s unfortunate really, and it genuinely irritates the piss out of me. When I say “we have a monster of a whole other variety” I mean it. These girls are crazy, selfish, weirdos.

You know the type and chances are you’ve met them. They’re the girls that think they are the center of attention and feel the need to let everyone know that. There are girls like that, that aren’t married yet, but you can eye them and KNOW they’ll act like that come wedding planning time. These are the girls that make outrageous demands, and expect everyone else to spend more money on the wedding than the bride and groom themselves are. They are the girls that expect their bridal parties to spend a god awful amount of money on hair, make up, dresses, and tuxes they can’t afford. These girls use terms like “my wedding”, “my day”, “me, me, me”. These are the girls that expect people to do everything and anything for them on their wedding. These are the girls that drive me absolutely bananas.

Things like that irritate me. They’ve been brought up to think that the world should be handed them plated in gold, encrusted with diamonds, and served on a silver platter. They forget that the wedding isn’t just about them. They forget that they aren’t the only part of this union that matters. They forget about their husbands, and they probably think that since it’s “acceptable” to act like this for the 10 months or whatever leading up to their wedding, that it’s okay to act like that in every other aspect of their lives. It’s a sad story that no one corrected them, and no one probably will because they, more than likely, have acted that way their entire lives.

The better question, is why have we encouraged this? Why have we as a society considered this to be an acceptable response to wedding planning. Wedding planning is tough and it’s damn stressful, but I sure as hell am not acting like that. Instead, since we’ve heard so many stories of girls acting like this, we’ve decided that this is okay. That it’s okay because it’s her day, she’s allowed to get her way. So really we’re telling these crazy bitches that it’s okay to be rude. It’s okay to tell your bridal party they’re ugly, it’s okay to dictate these insolent commands, that it’s okay to throw a tantrum every day until their wedding. I send out not just a “no”, but a resounding “HELL NO” to this. It’s crap.

These girls drive me bat shit crazy. I was in one of my best friend’s weddings about 6 years ago, and she made it super easy on us. She bought our jewelry as our gift, she told us our colors, and what pattern to use. We bought the fabric, the pattern, and had some one make the dresses. We didn’t spend a god awful amount of money on a dress we’re never going to wear again, and even though I haven’t worn it again, I’m glad we did it that way because at the time we didn’t have the money to buy a formal bridesmaids dress. My bridesmaids were told “buy a white dress that looks nice, and looks like something you’d wear again.” My friend told her girls to go buy a little black dress. We’ve been so laid back with our wedding planning process and so uncaring…to an extent…that I can’t comprehend the concept of being so stuck up about something like. i can understand you wanting your girls to look the same, but why force them to get a $60 hair do, spend $100+ on tanning or a personal trainer, $70 on their nails, forcing them to get their make up done all the same. If all of your girls look exactly the same, are all rich, and all have the same body type, fine, but the truth is, NO ONE looks and acts the same and not everyone is made of money.

I’m currently of the philosophy that if I can’t afford it, I shouldn’t expect my maids to afford it. If I can’t afford it, I shouldn’t expect my guests to afford it, and I’m not going to expect anything from anyone. I’ve been looking for the cheapest rates on everything without it looking trashy. I’ve been making things myself. I’ve given my girls plenty of options. I don’t care where they get their hair done, if they do their nails or not, paint them or not, if they wear heels, flats, Converse, or flip flops, and when it came down to the dress, like I stated before, I told them the criteria was “make sure it’s white.” I also requested they send a picture before buying it so I can make sure it makes sense with the other girls’ dresses. I’m well aware that none of my girls have the same body type or look the same. My husband has been involved (as much as he can be) with the process and we’ve been working together on all of this because this is OUR wedding. This isn’t MY wedding. This is for US, not ME.

The theory that this is “my day” is foreign to me, and quite frankly it’s a stupid one. I don’t believe the world revolves around me nor do I think it should. I understand that everyone will be looking at me when I walk down the aisle, but when I’m standing at the alter, they won’t be staring just at me, and hanging on by every word I say, they’ll be listening and watching BOTH of us. I just can’t understand how someone could be so selfish. I’m not saying you don’t have any right to throw at least one fit, especially if you’re maids/mother/mother-in-law/future husband or whatever aren’t being helpful or trying to make the ceremony about them, but there is absolutely no reason to act like on a regular basis. You aren’t special, you aren’t the center of attention, the world doesn’t revolve around you, so get off your damn high horse and start thinking like a regular human being and start acting like an adult. This is supposed to be a celebration of a marriage, of two people joining together to create a new family, it’s supposed to be a fun time. It’s not supposed to be a party dictated by someone who has a stick up her ass. It’s like the “that was my idea, how dare you take it” because some one had the same idea she did. God forbid two people think a like sometimes. Chances are, you didn’t see it first and somebody else, somewhere, thought it up first or also did it, so chill the eff out.

My advice to you, if you’re currently planning a wedding is stop and take a breath. Think about not just you and your groom, but your guests as well. Think about what you’re demanding from your bridal party and make sure it’s not outrageous. If you can’t afford it, why would you think they could? If you’re part of a bridal party and the bride is making these crazy demands, take a deep breath, and before you freak out, simply tell her that you can’t afford it. You’re not being difficult, you’re being realistic. And just keep remembering that it’ll all be over soon. And to the Bridezillas, chances are if you got offended by any of this you either are one or were one. Admit it, get over it, and get over yourself.