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Gossip follows me wherever I go. I’ve had rumors spread about me since I was in high school. I thought it would end after high school, but it ended up just getting worse. I’ve had people say that I was a drug dealing meth addict, an alcoholic, that I’ve slept with half he single men in the town I’m from, and that I’ve been to rehab and jail multiple times, that it  was a wonder I passed any drug test for a job since I was so dirty. I’ve had people say that I have STDs, that I’m doing cocaine, and that I slept my married boss and my coworker’s husband. I’ve heard people say that the hubby and I won’t last because I can’t keep my legs closed, I’m too flaky, and I’m just marrying him for money/BAH/healthcare/the Camaro/I’m bored/I just want to get out of South Dakota. On a less serious side, people have said that I’ve had a nose job/boob job/liposuction. That I regularly flashed my boobs to the cooks in the back when I worked at a restaurant. That I openly admitted to having sex with each one of the cooks and that I was making it my new goal to screw the 2 new hosts and the new server.

I’ve lost friends and had people upset with me because they’ve chosen to believe the rumors over me. I had a really good friend once, and someone said some nasty things to her that I had supposedly said, and she chose to believe them. It’s made work and life a living hell at some points.

I really can’t understand why people have to turn to such juvenile actions to get attention and to bring people down. I have no problem with competition as long as it’s fair competition. I thought that it would stop once I got out of high school and it didn’t. I thought it would stop when I moved out of such a small town, but the truth is, unfortunately, it doesn’t. I told my father that I’m not sure what it is exactly that people hate about me or makes them feel the need to say such awful things, but whatever it is, it’s there and it’s not going away. I’ve been calm about it, I’ve tried to brush it off, but it gets to me after a while. I’ve had days that I’ve come home  in tears because I can’t play it off any more like I don’t care. This plays all into the “words hurt” aspect that fortunately some people don’t know about. My husband is one of them. He has never had to deal with things like this because he’s always been well liked and for good reason.

It hits a whole other level when it goes from pettiness because you don’t like me to job and reputation threatening. Now, there have been things that have stabbed at me that have been reputation threatening, but enough people knew me to know it wasn’t true or had the balls to say “hey…is this really true or is this just some bullshit?” But I’m in an area where NO ONE knows me. NO ONE can vouch for me. There are people that have faith things are untrue, but don’t know for sure because they don’t know me completely. Negative things are being said, by people that I’ve never spoken to on a personal level about anything, about me and my husband. I really just don’t get it. I don’t understand what it is that motivates this type of person to have an unyielding need to spread lies and utter bullshit because in the end they always end up looking like the ass because they slip up or get caught being malicious.

The lesson I learned, that I wish I never had to learn over and over again, is that no matter where you are, you can’t really trust people. And it’s always the same person. The one that’s out to get you for either their own self esteem or their own personal gain. I’ve been told before that things like that are said because I possess something the person spreading the rumors doesn’t and their jealous. I think that’s a piss poor way of building my self esteem, because I honestly don’t believe you. I’m nothing special. I have a fair amount of confidence, but I’m a pretty good actress.

I really genuinely try not to let these types of things get to me, but the longer they go on with or without a reaction, the more it builds up, and the more those people want to see how much they can say before you blow up and they have a REAL story to tell. I’ve always been relatively wary of how I act and what I say around other people especially considering the position I’m in, but apparently ONE comment can be twisted so much and so far away from what it actually was, that everyone else can hate you all of the sudden.

The people I thought were behind it, weren’t, and the people I thought were telling truth were actually lying. I’m too trusting. Maybe too naive. Either way it makes me want to lock myself away from the whole world and just keep to myself and never talk to or interact with anyone. I just can’t see how people can be so effing mean to one another. Is it just for attention or are you really that malicious?

Anyway…Lesson two learned: people suck.

Don’t trust anyone that doesn’t know you on a deep personal level….and remember that everyone else sucks.