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As time draws closer to the wedding I begin to get jitters. Not the regular “oh my god I’m going to get married” jitters because we’re already married, but the “oh my god what if this whole thing falls apart” jitters.

There are still things that I feel like need to get done that aren’t and I’m not entirely sure where to start. I have a month and a half to finalize everything. I had hopes that I would have more replies by now, but I don’t and I realize that’s normal. Still, I wish I had a final head count and I know for a fact I’m awaiting replies from people who I’m unsure are coming or not. We have to contact that caterer and give her a final head count so that we know how much we’re spending and she knows how much food to make. I still haven’t given my DJ the deposit, and I’m pretty effing sure I’m going to have to use my credit card for the $200 I owe him because I’m broke.

I made some sugar scrubs. I spent $80 on the ingredients and got home and realized i didn’t need as much as I bought, so now I have a new goal for Christmas presents since I am up to my elbows in lotions, essential oils, and coconut oil. They turned out pretty freaking well and after the first one I kind of just went with it and made up my own little recipe. I’m proud of myself. I know it’s not a big feat, but it’s something I’ve never done before and I thought it turned out pretty awesome. I kept left overs for myself, and gave my first one to our neighbor so we could be guinea pigs together.

As it gets closer to the wedding, I’m trying to think of MORE ways I can save us money, but at this point I’m not sure if it’s possible. Right now all we need to worry about is paying all our vendors….there’s no more money-saving we can do with them since we’ve already cut back so much. I wish I knew more people who I knew would volunteer or do this shit for free. Partly because I’m cheap, mostly because I’m broke.

So while I’m putting together the bridesmaids gift baskets or whatever you want to call them. I’m trying to find the cheapest, cutest, cheesiest things I can. I found some wine glasses at Wal-Mart. South Carolina¬†souvenirs that I’m pretty sure I’m buying because they’re awesome and dumb. At the same time, I’m trying to think of gifts to give the woman who is doing our vows. We were never able to get her a gift back in December, so I want to make sure it’s a good one. Speaking of ceremony…I still haven’t looked over the options for the ceremony, I haven’t gotten our sand or the vases for it, and I haven’t emailed the DJ about our songs.

I also need to figure out gifts for our ring bearer and flower girl, and put together little coloring books for the kids that will be there. On top of that I need to buy ink pads for our thumbprint tree and buy a pen for the actual guest book. AND we need to get hand wipes for our guest to clean their fingers after they’ve done so. I know these are little things that can wait but I can’t help but freak out ever so slightly. The bridezilla in me is scratching the surface.

The hubby thinks, and I agree, that about 4 days before the wedding she will break her way through. I don’t think that she will be the one that will be sitting there saying “I’m the bride do what I say.” but she’ll be an emotional wreck and in an awful mood. I. Can’t. Wait. I’m going to work my ass off to make sure she doesn’t scratch her way to the surface, but I can feel it boiling deep inside me like a demon that needs to be exercised.

I explained to my mother that every day I am home that I am going to have to carefully plan out each day. I have favor jars to buy, apple butter and candied pecans to make, paper airplanes to make, noise makers and glow sticks to buy, kegs to buy, menu for the rehearsal dinner to finalize, finish the bridesmaids gifts, finish our officiant’s gift, communicate with our vendors, and I still need to buy the cake topper and my garters.

*sigh* I should have hired a wedding planner.